A Letter To God From A Tired Heart

Dear God,

I am coming to You because I have nowhere else to put this pain.

I am placing all of it at Your feet --
every heartbreak,
every unanswered question,
every tear I wipe away when no one is looking.

You see what I carry.

You see the physical pain in my body that will not leave.
The exhaustion in my bones.
The heaviness in my chest that feels like it is pressing inward from all sides.

You see the emotional wounds that reopen daily --
the rejection,
the silence,
the feeling of being erased from the lives I once centered my own around.

And You see the psychological weight --
the doubt,
the second-guessing,
the torment of asking myself what I did wrong.

God, I do not know what else to say to You.

I talk to You every day.
I tell You everything.
And sometimes it feels like You are silent.

Please do not turn Your face from me.

If I have sinned, show me gently.
If I have erred, correct me with mercy.
But do not leave me alone in this valley of confusion.

I need the miracle of healing.

Heal my body -- where pain has made its home.
Heal my heart -- where rejection has settled.
Heal my mind -- where thoughts spiral and accuse me.

I cannot keep bleeding like this.

Father, You know I did not abandon or abuse my children.
You know my intentions.
You know the years I stayed,
the sacrifices I made,
the nights I prayed over them.

If I was wrong, reveal it to me with clarity.
But if I am being punished by misunderstanding,
then defend me in ways I cannot defend myself.

Touch my children’s hearts.

Not to make them feel guilty.
Not to force them.
But to let them see the truth.

Let them understand that what they are doing to me
cuts deeper than any worldly punishment.

Let them see that I still love them.
Let them remember who I have always been to them.

And if reconciliation is not immediate,
then give me the strength to survive the waiting.

God, I am tired of pretending I am strong.

I am not strong right now.

My heart feels like it is screaming inside my chest.
Some days I feel stabbed by memories.
Other days by silence.

Please do not let this pain destroy what is left of me.

Sit with me in this.
Hold me when I feel abandoned.
Speak to me when Your silence feels unbearable.

I do not want to lose my faith.
I do not want bitterness to replace tenderness.
I do not want despair to define me.

I want healing.
I want peace.
I want restoration -- in whatever form You know is right.

Until then, carry what I cannot carry anymore.

I am placing it all at Your feet.

And I am staying here -- not because I understand,
but because I have nowhere else to go.

Amen.